Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in spookysqueaks' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, July 3rd, 2008
3:32 am	Plus ça change... It's been a strange year so far. I'm currently jobless, but not broke. I made school a priority over everything, and commuting was too much of a drain for a job that made me miserable every weekend, with no real money after all the commuting I ended up doing. Since I had a nest egg saved up, I quit and focused on school. This got me a 3.81, only one B+, the rest A's. I got accepted in my school's BFA program for costume production, which made me so happy I fell apart after I got out of the meeting. I even got told by a teacher before I've even entered the program proper that I should start looking into master programs, because I'd be wasting my talent otherwise. This is what I want to do, I love clothes, and this is what I want to do with my life. It's not without it's pitfalls though. 3 full on complete nervous breakdowns, 2 of them after the semester finished. I've lost a great deal of my support network, though everything from women to just not having time to talk to anyone. It's been tough, but I'm, as always going to be fine. Not being able to find a job up here since I quit my last one has been bugging me alot too, but I'm not destitute yet, and I got a gym membership so I could at least try to get back in shape after a year of sitting in a basement. There's a silver lining to that too, I'm giving a crap again, I'm not just sitting there and letting people take the reins of my life or my choices. I'm giving advice, and it's wierd to be doing that. When people ask me for it, I try my best to give them the advice they need, as opposed to what I think they should do. It's hard, especially with how much power you can have over those people who've put their trust in your ideas. I miss everyone though, I miss chicago. I miss going to nice restaurants and babbling about everything and nothing, I miss the 20 deep in paddy o's on a sunday night. I miss rants about holding up GW in an Arby's with a brick. I miss all you fuckers, even if I haven't talked to you in forever.<3 But beer is finally defeating my wretched insomnia, so I bid you all adieu, I miss you, and goodnight <3 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 2nd, 2007
11:57 pm	drunken self-aggrandizing bullshit Why do I feel the need to put this here, i can't honestly say. To the one it concerns, I'm angry, i'm hurt. I feel as if I put myself onto a limb and was only received with slings and arrows. You tell me you want me, you sit there and say I haven't been paying enough attention. I've sacrificed myself, my social life. You've been angry with me seeing my friends instead of calling you when I had been texting you all day prior, my phone being dead and me sleeping on a cot in the freezing cold basement of a theatre. You've been as you said, having the time of your life with your friends without me, yet you scold me for not paying attention to you when you can't even call me. ever. But you have room to scold me on it. You slept in someones elses bed for a month, and didn't say anything til I called you on it, and I had to be fine with that course of event. Your ex-boyfriend. Because it was between that and the floor. I slept on a cold wall while you were there, fifteen minutes away, less than two dollars worth of gas, in someone elses god damn bed. Too involved in your own world to call me because you were having the time of your life, but lucid enough to condemn me for not living in yours more than I already have been, sacrificing the things that actually mean something to me. I waited, I sat there and took your bullshit. I've had to deal with a totaled car, a sprained knee, my school loans being rejected and having to pay out of pocket, a tough school schedule, a play, and you pretty much ignoring me unless it's been convenient. Then I get told I'm not doing enough. I break down, and instead of trying to reach out, you just pushed me away. Fuck it. Fuck you. You let me forget what I wanted, then tore me to shreds. You said you love me, on your own, without duress, without meaning. but your not willing to do anything with it. Rather, you hold it as bait, to keep me running along, doing your fucking bidding. Well I'm done, compromise, or get out. I might be in pieces again, but I'll just reinvent myself; Better as always. You'll just end up like everyone else. Nowhere else than where we left off. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: Through the fire and flames - Dragonforce (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 28th, 2007
9:40 pm	My party is tomorrow and here's directions! Pretty simple. If you're coming from 94/43 you get off at exit 333 onto hwy 20 heading east. Follow hwy 20 all the way into town and it will eventually merge with seventh avenue. Quickly after that Villa Ave will come up, take a right onto it, go down one block and the address is 815 villa lower. Look for the Thing from the black lagoon in the window, easy huh? Thought so. Grab some drinkage and get your ass here tomorrow! <3's and lasers P-Frank P.S. ADHD is explaining the lack of calling, and school, and make-up, and sewing...but I have a pincushion that looks like a ninja. Current Mood: awesome (Comment on this)
Friday, September 7th, 2007
8:33 am	Repost from elsewhere, let me know what you think! Sunday, September 30th is going to be my birthday. Last year I threw a huge ass party and everyone had a great time(and ended up drunker than me). I hope to do the same thing this year. I dont' have the exactly place for the party yet, a few offers of party space, trying to figure out my best option. Last year everyone brought a bottle or a pack of beer of some sorts and it went great, over 4 grand worth of alchohol was consumed. Figure it will work this time Trying to get a general headcount so let me know if you're interested cause I'd love to see you all there! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Friday, August 31st, 2007
1:04 pm	School! Monday and Wednesday - Theatre production and design 9:30-10:45,Theatre Studies 12:30-1:45, Costume Studio 2-9 Tuesday and Thursday - Technical Practicum 12:30-1:45, Practicum studio 2-5 Friday - Make Up 10 - 11:50 Might throw another tues/Thurs class in the morning, but I'm not sure what, but I can't wait to start! Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 13th, 2007
11:23 pm	The sweeping insensitiviy of this still life. I've been listening to alot of Imogen Heap lately. As it always does, it coincides with a very large amount of introspection on my part. It's been a little over a year since the accident on my bike, my face is completely healed with the few scars and the partial the only reminders of it. The missing ligament in my knee only an afterthought after running around and being surprised it doesn't hurt. Almost a year to the day, I've got myself another mountain bike, a nice one, a bit pricey, but worth it. I was tenative getting on it at first, once bitten twice shy and all, but as soon as I got on and started going. I realized how strongly i missed it. It was a freedom for me, something I could jump on and fly off by myself. God, it had been too long. There's no way I can describe the exhileration of finally taking that back for myself. I see myself in my own head at times floating in the middle of space and all around me are stars. Some flare up, some go out. The brightest one is still there and I hope to take it for myself one day. But first I must get there on my own power, the journey as important as the destination. I miss the strangest people that aren't present in my life currently. Sometimes I think my greatest curse is misinterpretations of my intentions. I've walked so far molding the unique view I've taken on life, it's getting hard to relate to some people at times. I see that things have to be this way. I've never been more comfortable in my own skin than at this part of my life, and I only seeing it fit better as I move on. In some ways, it seems to be the only way to be noble is to be caught being noble or remind everyone of the good you do. On the other hand, to do such to me goes along the lines about being too serious about self-aggrandizing. The million kindnesses gone unnoticed I think are far more important, at least to me, than the big shows and placing the burden of acknowledgement on someone. On the other side of the note, I see some people in this world that are essentially dead coming out of the door. They live in this life that they've propped up like a house of card built on false pretenses and a million little different sideshows of feigned intrest in anything but their own selfish needs without any thought to anyone else around them and I can't help but feel a great contempt for those people. I was there at one point myself, but it toppled and I finally had to move up and on, I learned, I grew, I made myself a little bit better. I see these people, it topples, they build it up again and again and again. It's painful to watch and seeing it for a good period of a time starts to drag me back. I can't wait for school to start again. It feels as if my lifes been slowed to a crawl this summer. I've found something I honestly enjoy and can't wait to dive headfirst into it. Thats about it for this seasons word vomit, take care everyone <3 (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2007
1:47 pm	I have saturday and sunday off and nothing to do. Give me ideas. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
4:39 pm	Update Well, got back from the doctor, and it's a sinus infection, he thinks it was the mildew and such, agitated it. He wasn't sure why the headaches were so bad, but he figures it triggered a migrane(thats new for me :() Gave me a shot of antihistamine and I'm feeling a bit better, antibiotics come soon also. Oh yeah, and I got laid off from work while waiting. Current Mood: distressed (Comment on this)
4:25 am	I think I'm broken. I normally wouldn't go into a public diatribe on the matter, I hate putting myself in the spotlight on the internet, especially complaining, but I'm at a loss for what I should do. I am used to headaches, I have them near constantly, and I survive. This is the first time I've had one so bad for so long. Sunday I had an anxiety attack while heading home to milwaukee, I ended up talking to one of my friends the night and passing out. I woke up to my head throbbing fairly bad. Got into my apartment, and the smell of mildew from my leaking ceiling made my head hurt so bad it dropped me to my knees (which pretty much popped my left one over again, but thats besides the fact) I spent pretty much until the late evening laying in my bed hoping it would go away and it hadn't, I ended up taking the rest of my leftover vicodin to get myself out of enough pain to operate. It's now 4 in the morning and the pains once again so bad I can't sleep. It feels like a constant hard pain all around my head then the top is an especially sharp pain. If anyone has any idea what this is or what Ic an do about, leave me a message, call me, something. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
11:27 am	"It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion." It's quotes that start like that which remind me why I loved the original dune series so much, as I sit here and sip cup #5 for the day. It's been awhile since I've committed anything in words outside of schoolwork so I figure an update is in order. I'm heading out of the butt end of a rut I realize I've been in for the last number of months. I despise failing, especially when the situation is out of my hands. When effort I put forward is put to waste, it agitates me to know end. I get focused on trying to fix it or ignore it if I can't do anything about it, and tunnel vision kicks in. Can't see the forest from the trees, and I start to isolate myself, which isn't necessarily bad, mind you. I'm finally feeling the urge to be a social creature again, so expect to hear more from me. To those that have kinda fallen by the wayside, don't feel discouraged, I'm still alive, and kicking, possibly even flailing. So for a quick list of updates - A. Knee injury from bike accident and further agitated by my own lack of knowing limits has been diagnosed as a missing ligament in my top know (only 3 of the 4 there are attatched) might need surgery later on, but I can pretty much walk and run again and it only gets back after a being on it for a pretty length period of time. B. Schools going alright, actually enjoying my classing, taking a break from getting myself caught up and a bit ahead on my homework to put some words down here. Making friends and generally having a good time, puncutated by a mid class bar trip on wedsnday, makes sociology a trip. C. Things with the beau are excellent, can't complain there, getting got me a gift to go to a hairdresser to get my hair done and dyed however I want, so I got pretty homo-excited about the whole thing :P.. D. Works decent albeit slow, nice liking everyone you work with. Otherwise been pretty unremarkable. Gotta figure out what color and style to go with my hair, anyone got an idea/Color. Doesn't matter how crazy, cause I can rock it with work. Otherwise to amuse people I bring you pictues of the cat. Gamer dorkdom and cat pictures, how can you lose :P Does the kitty hate the microwave, or doesn the microwave hate her ^^ Now back to history of costume, and to learn 8 more ways to say loincloth :P Current Music: only the sound of my gulping my coffee (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 18th, 2007
1:30 pm	In brighest day... Monday - I'm sitting inside of my friends house when I hear my car alarm go out. I head outside to behold the back end of my car was the bitch in a hit and run. Damaged pretty bad, get a rental. Wedsnday - Find out my car is totaled and I need to get a new one. Needless to say, I think midwinter plans are out this year. Oh well, I think It's for the best, considering I work sunday for 12 hours before school starts. Current Mood: frustrated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
4:44 pm	Forgive my lack of HTML skills. If you had to summarize all of the unique, crazy, weird, stupid - in one word, all the 'quite particular' things - you did, or that happened to you in your lifetime, in 10 to 15 short statements, what would you list? The best or most interesting are often the first that come to mind, so don't overthink it! My list o crazy -Made my philosophy professor laugh so hard he fell down the stairs and busted his chin open(today actually) -Woken up from a dream not realizing I was dreaming, and acting accordingly -Been told by a psychiatrist that I should be instutionalized at 13(Shared with Sonanova, unfortunately mom started to agree and at 16, off I went for 5-6 months, blech) -Walked away after being hit by a car(twice, once by a car on my bike, and once by a bus that turned wihout a signal) -Did cocaine damn near everyday for a year of high school(Bad Frank! :( ) -Stayed up for 5 straight days on nothing but coffee and french fries -Skipped a Grade in school -Almost got expelled in high school for making workig scale models of torture devices used during the inquisition for a school report -Flirted with a transvestite not knowing it was one (still got her number after I found out, so ha) -Had a pidgeon dive bomb out of the sky, hit me square in the chest and fall to the ground dead -Have had no less than 6 people tell me they were in love with me and wanted to be with me, within a day of meeting them *creepy* -own an item that was evidence in an attempted assisnation case against reagan I'll think of more later if I feel inspired. Current Mood: lethargic (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
12:26 am	I'm at school/new job every day from 8-9 this week until saturday. I was woken up off the couch at my friends house after I passed out there doing econ. At least the weekend will be good. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
3:04 pm	Tuesday - Second Interview for new job Wedsnday - get told I got the job, told I start next tuesday Friday - Get called in. How's that for some shit, either way...yay money. Current Mood: giggly (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
9:40 am	Caffinated Musings It's been a hectic first two days of school so far. Traffic has been an issue, with the construction going on, and despite being on the bus, the delays have made me miss both my first classes each day. I'm going to start driving and hobbling my ass the few blocks from school so I can actually make it on time until this construction settles down and 1-94 isn't constricted to a 2 lane highway during rush hour. Otherwise classes have gone well. My first Economics class had the professor regaling us with some of the insane notes students have written to him over the years, highlight being one of a conception that occured in the room on the balcony while he was giving a speech. Otherwise I've spend the last hour and a half finding a pleasant spot on campus, reading a short story out of Burning Chrome, and then moving to another spot and repeating the process, it's been wonderful. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 20th, 2006
7:17 am	Snakes on a mutherfucking plane This movie was everything I expected from it and it was wonderful, if you haven't seen it yet, go do so. I don't usually like movies that make me jump (I'm jumpy enough as it is :P) but i'd totally rock it again. Anyways life's been alright, broke my face and been out of work, if you want to know more go to http://www.myspace.com/personofmassdestruction. Complete with pic of my messed up face. Current Mood: chipper (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 13th, 2006
1:05 am	(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.) ✓ I miss somebody right now. × I don't watch much TV these days. ✓ I own lots of books. × I wear glasses or contact lenses. ✓ I love to play video games. ✓ I've tried marijuana. ✓ I've watched porn movies. ✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. ✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. ✓ I curse sometimes.  (I have moments where I tend to punctuate my sentences with fuck.) ✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. ( it goes on... ) Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
12:53 pm	origins I have descended from the mountain of "I'm way to god damned busy" to see how everyone is doing and bring forth a question. Are any of you wonderful people going to origins this year and would like to combine plans, I'm trying to find a way to carpool/roomsplit/whatnot for the weekend. Let me know! Current Mood: full (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
12:33 am	My friend was sitting on his couch and found a mummified mouse while looking for the remotes. He flipped out in a matter that could only be defined as fucking nuts. I have to say it was some of the funniest shit on the planet. how long would a mouse take inside a couch to completely mummify, thats my question. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 21st, 2006
5:13 pm	Comment on this post and... 1. I'll respond with something random I like about you. 2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I'll name something we should do together. 4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or just me). 5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you. 6. I'll leave you a quote that is somehow appropriate to you. 7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you. (9 Comments |Comment on this)